Do You Really Want Change...Or Approval

Here's a hard truth that might be unpopular...but  here goes....

if you want real change, you're going to have to stop asking for approval

 So many times someone comes to me for help... (or they don't)... because someone they love or admire doesn't think they should need it.

Is it really that bad?

You shouldn't be feeling this way.

It doesn't bother me like that.

When that happens to me I just...

Are you sure you've really prayed about it?

Shouldn't you be over that by now?

And so they stay stuck with the problem... because they choose the approval instead of the change.

Here's the thing... I know my husband dearly loves me...always wants what's best for me.. BUT he doesn't know how to fix the breaks on my car, or fix a crashed computer.  As much as he wants the best for me... he's simply NOT an expert in those areas. 

So I don't ask him.

When I need a mechanic... I hire one.

When I need a computer technician... I seek one out.

When I need business advice, I don't ask my friends.

When I need clinical training, I don't go to my pastor.

When I need spiritual guidance, I don't go to my business coach.

You get the drift.  

IF you need help in an area of life.  Seek an expert. PERIOD.

That's what successful people do.  People who truly want change.

They don't continually focus on the HOW to figure this out, they figure out WHO can help me.  

The people who love you aren't always... in fact... rarely are the people who can truly help you.  Even though I'm a clinical therapist with 20+ years of training... I am NOT the person who's been able to help someone I love with a longstanding addiction.  Though I tried, I wasn't the person who could help.  I was too close. 

Many of the women I help have been so tied to approval and people pleasing that it gets in the way of living in freedom... and many of them just know God has something bigger in store!

In fact, when people pleasing or self doubt is part of the overwhelm.... it make sense (and is so sad) that the symptom is often the barrier to getting to the solution. 

But... the ones that experience change and who are ready to level up do this...

They stop asking for approval of others and decide that it's OK to take care of themselves and get the help they need. 

And it's the beginning of true change.

• They release the need to control the process and instead allow themselves to be guided. 
• They take responsibity for the results they want and reject reasons "why not."
• They get the courage to move from overwhelm to living more fully in who God created them to be.
• Inner resistance, people pleasing and perfectionism are replaced by growth, authenticity and peace. 

It happens EVERY. SINGLE. DAY  It's not rocket science.. but it is neuro-science, and very few people have the knowledge base or training to know the small significant shifts that done consistenty create lasting change.

If the people who love you could have helped you solve the problem... they wouldn't already done it!

(And I am CERTAINLY not saying God isn't enough.  I AM saying that even strong Christian's have bodies and brains that have been impacted by the world and that guidance in changing these things is no different than using ointment on a wound or going to a surgeon for care.  

So today, consider whether or not you've been stuck with a problem because you've been seeking approval rather than change.  If it's a problem you've had for awhile now, the people you love probably aren't the ones with the help you need.  Otherwise.. you wouldn't be stuck. 

Simply because they don't have the answers doesn't mean they're not out there!

Sincerely,

Rochelle